The A-Side
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5. how very real pain is and when we live there on a daily basis how perfectly the frame fits constraining so tightly to bind once freshly opened minds now brainless. if you love there you are dying and we can't be that my mother tells me there are too many meadows with flowers there-blooming my brother tells me that there are too many dancehalls with music i've never heard- booming and i figure that i have to live to dance to smell and see free i have moved too much to be a picture framed and live a life no one will ever think to blame me for live out in the sun free and ashamed and before i ever stop each day to wake up to pain i'll stop to say again if you love here you are dying posted by effuimpretty on 12:15 PM you are not my dream we're living in a world of gold gleam completely ficticious not to mention too damn delicious but my dream would never feed me sugar coated gimmicks no my dream would never be a man of wayward persistance yet you taste so good and you hurt so bad. i have had big bright closed eyes for you the kind only known from sleep the kind that put you in too deep and on knees praying for alarm clocks but nothing but hours seconds and tick tocks your hands have been around me drawing me closer nothing but hours seconds and tick tocks i can't even stop to count because it would make me hate myself in hindsight. posted by effuimpretty on 12:14 PM touch me truthfully fully and feel me and fill me i want to live in a world with you where worth is measured in soft mouths and fingertips where symphonies are created by whispers and breathlessness a time that just is. understand that i cannot feel your face if you wear that mask and so i ask to touch me truthfully because when i scream God knows that i feel him. slick talk and smooth walk will not beget this love not will any pre-manufactured images my <3 will come to a man who is what he says he is his real story will be found in his skin and you will find my lips there kissing every scar sir i love u because u are what you say tou are right now at this very minute truthfully posted by effuimpretty on 12:09 PM touch me truthfully fully and feel me and fill me i want to live in a world with you where worth is measured in moft mouths and fingertips where symphonies are created by whispers and breathlessness a time that just is. understand that i cannot feel your face if you wear that mask and so i ask to touch me truthfully because when i scream God knows that i feel him. slick talk and smooth walk will not beget this love not will any pre-manufactured images my <3 will come to a man who is what he says he is his real story will be found in his skin and you will find my lips there kissing every scar sir i love u because u are what you say tou are right now at this very minute truthfully posted by effuimpretty on 11:34 AM she said if you can't get it from your own daddy get it from someone elses. one week away from daddy's day and i don't have too much to say in the way of appreciation thank you for that split second it took to shoot yr. semen creating an angel while battling your own inner demons and from that time that i could think well enough to place the broken pieces i've always questioned yr. lack of communiication. she said if you can't get it from yr. own daddy get it from someone elses so now daddy tell me how it feels to know these nasty little boys can tell you yr. own daughter's favorite color that you were never there to hear simply based upon the matching bra and thong set that she wears that of course he bought for her and he gets to peel off the same baby skin so soft that you've changed just a couple times before handing her off swift to aunty sister grandma because you were too much a man for that baby changing shit. now her once small fingertips hungrily caress a dick however premature she stares intently into the eyes of a man who can never give her much more than what she holds in her hand yet sweet daughter yearns for more. and in this second he does not exist to her he serves as nothing but the answer to her question mark he merges dad and daughter in a fantasy torn apart he says to call him daddy and don't you think that for one minute she will ever stop to say bitch i ain't never have no daddy she'll first swallow up inside/softly sadly, giving so much just to be touched in a temporary safety place that doubles over as a danger zone young, alone, and all she can do is wonder why "isn't she lovely" was never played for her. posted by effuimpretty on 10:54 AM you are gone. so far removed by circumstance yes, i can stand to laugh and dance now in foreign countries do you understand though there will never be enough to fill your void. no dinners or pretty dresses or well-lit stages could cover up the possibility of baby pink or rubber duckie yellows baby blues. posted by effuimpretty on 10:52 AM a small brown woman who began playing house before ever getting a chance to live in one her left hand bedazzled with a granite rock hopelessly married to the streets in the streets on a warm day an untrained eye can make out the glints of glitter she swore she would get her a diamond come four children mindlessly and intently come four children hoping to fill that inside posted by effuimpretty on 10:51 AM who began playing house before ever getting a chance to live in one her left hand bedazzled with a granite rock hopelessly married to the streets in the streets on a warm day an untrained eye can make out the glints of glitter she swore she would get her a diamond come four children mindlessly and intently come four children hoping to fill that inside posted by effuimpretty on 10:50 AM posted by effuimpretty on 10:46 AM if i have nothing else left to say it's because i've given all my poetry away words lost in hearts and eyes and in-between thighs in promises broken before the sun began to rise words lost because of the congolmeration of his brown skin melting in to mine words lost at quarter to nines and remember that time? i begin to speak but then my words start to retreat torn soldiers fighting endless fights between whose hand i hold tommorow and whose lips i kiss tonight going through the motions and doing this all in spite of the fact that i know what i feel will be too wrong to write about the time his love for me smacked me in the face and about a girl whose whole heart was embraced for a time then replaced it was mine then replaced giving all my words away at a rapid pace and it's true. i'm gonna want my shit back too. from you and you and the one with the tattoo give me my moans and my number back the things you already forgot and give me back my poetry coz that's my true heart. (c)SuAn 9.20.04 posted by effuimpretty on 6:09 PM [Dedicated to a DeeJay/9.2.04] "but for the record, i DID love you" record spin and record break i skip and scratched all i can take fast forward rewind pause hurt and his ignorance is to cause as we both contributed to this demise both never wanting to realize this array of lies late night phonecalls lasted later i'll see you later scratch and push up the fader the beat is always nice until the record breaks and the garden's always lovely until you find a snake. fast forward rewind pause play pause again now you want the record to spin you can't hear the music with your ears closed and you can't feel the beat when your heart is numb and you can't play the records if you're sitting on the crate and you can't hear the music with your ears closed. fastforward rewind pause i i hope one day the needle will jump and peirce your heart so you could finally understand how it feels to fast forward rewind pause and stop. "but for the record, i DID love you as well". play. -SuAN posted by effuimpretty on 5:57 AM [Mechanical Movements] Bruised insides and questionable regret "that's what you get" i laugh at my perception. Bruised insides andquestionable regret "that's what you get" he basks in his deception. Bruised insides andquestionable regret"that's what you get" I try to forget this mantra my mouth is sore and it ain't from reciting spoken word.my heart is numb my insides bruised but after he callsi won't feel used. I need to break the cycle I need to break the cycle but how do i free myself from what makes me feel so good? for a moment anyhow when i'm atopwhen he calls me baby when i feel owned loved. and i'm trying to remember what it was i did so good and i can't because i don't remember trying and i can't because "it" doesn't exisist except on porno tapes and in memories of past lovers with his eyes closed he's there detached while i'm still waiting to feel... Bruised insides and questionable regret I need to break the cycle Because love has no mechanical movements. © SuAn12.16.02 posted by effuimpretty on 7:29 PM i'm gonna keep my poetry//songs here that is all. peaz. -s.analog posted by effuimpretty on 8:00 PM |
